One of the most annoying things anyone can do to a military family is state things that are just plain out not true in front of them. I hate to break it to all you non-military related people, but YOU GUYS DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT THE MILITARY….AT ALL. You tend to believe every little thing, and you think you know what you are talking about or you make assumptions. The military life is not all rainbows and butterflies. So, let me break down some myths and tell you the real truth.
Myth 1:
Everyone in the military is rich.
Fact 1:
No one is rich. The military pays jack crap. And for all those who are friends who say this, and think we can pay for absolutely everything, think about this: we as young adults are fully independent. We have bills to pay. Like a mortgage/rent, insurance, car payments, loans, utilities, upkeep of our house, phone bills, and so much more. And while we pay for all of these things each MONTH some of you young people are still living with your mommy and daddy, or living off of them, and not even being an independent adult like so many military families are. So, in the long run you aren’t even being an adult yet. You do not fully know what it is like to be adult, and you won’t know until you are fully 100% INDEPENDENT. You live rent free, and you have parents who will pay things for you. A majority of military families do not, maybe a few parents or in laws that will give them money at the holidays but that is about it.
And if we are “rich”, it’s not a “rich” rich for most military families. It is an “oh we have money in savings enough to cover maybe 6-12 months of living if a shutdown happens” type of situation. We only have that money because we worked our butts off and saved but not everyone in the military is good at saving since the pay is crap.
Myth 2:
Everyone gets married for the benefits.
Fact 2:
You are wrong yet again. Getting married for just the benefits is first technically highly illegal and if you get caught doing that you get in some serious consequences. Second of all some people just met the love of their life early on in life and knew what they wanted at a young age. Nothing is wrong with that. A lot of us just realized we want to experience everything and live life with our best friend.
Myth 3:
Military spouses are lazy, and just have kids.
Fact 3:
Eh let’s be honest some could be… I mean we do have the nickname Dependapotamus for a few… but also some might not be lazy. Mainly though, not all are. I personally work from home for the military and I get to create my own schedule which is nice. Others work out in town, or the pay out in town might not even be worth working after you have to pay for gas, insurance, and a car payment. Here in California if I accepted a job out in town it would just be paying me to go to and from work and that is it. As for the kids’ part, some women have PCOS so they start trying at a young age thinking they will not be able to get pregnant for a while, but they end up getting pregnant luckily right away. Others want to be young moms and want a family already. Then there are always those oops babies. Plus according to research and doctors the best time to get pregnant is in your low 20’s in the first place. The ages of 22 until 27 was specifically mentioned.
Myth 4:
The military gives you a free house and completely takes care of you.
Fact 4:
We pay for our house, and our health insurance and a lot of other things. Service members only get paid $3.13 an hour when you break down just the base pay. If we were to live off of just the base pay NO ONE and I mean NO ONE could survive off of it. Absolutely no one could pay rent let alone buy food with that much money. So, the military increases their pay with BAS and BAH. But then you have to remember now three different health insurance are coming out of the pay, along with taxes, any expenses from field (yes, they have to pay for things when in the field), and also two different life insurances too. So once BAH and BAS is added, and all the taxes and insurances are taken out and whatever else is owed the service member still only get $6.41 an hour. Still under minimum wage. Be grateful for your job that pays over minimum wage.
Also, base housing is not free you still pay rent, insurance, and utilities on base just like you would have to off base. Base housing is also complete crap. Most houses are outdated, covered in black mold and have so many other health and construction issues.
Myth 5:
You get to choose where you want to live.
Fact 5:
Absolutely not true at all. You do get to pick your top choices, but one thing about the military is they will send you where they want and need you. If you just so happen to get one of your top choices it is because they needed that specific rank in that MOS there, and therefore since you put it you got it. We do not choose where we want to live so don’t ask us to put specific places down as a choice. Second of all it is our life not yours. We will choose our top choices based on what we think is best for us, you get no say.
Things not to say to military families:
“You signed up for this” – No we fell in love and married someone we loved who just so happened to be in the military.
“Well why can’t you just come down and visit” – Because the military controls are schedule, not us, not you. We can’t just leave anytime we want to.
“Ah when you are home visiting come visit me” – No. We traveled hundreds of miles to come home, the least you can do is drive a few miles over and visit yourself. We are only one person we can’t do everything. We don’t want a one-sided relationship with everyone where we do everything. If so, we will just stop seeing you.
“I know exactly how it feels to be away from a spouse, my husband/boyfriend is gone for a week” or “I know what it is like I live away from family” – Nah girl. You know absolutely nothing. You have no clue what it is like and comparing a week to a full deployment or living away from family is completely rude and insane because you don’t know what it is like at all.
“You guys get paid a lot of money can I borrow some?” – No, you can’t because we don’t get paid a lot of money. Again, only about $6 an hour.
“You are too young to get married” – Well I mean once we turn 18, we can do what we want. We are legal adults. Some of us know what we want and want to spend the rest of our lives with our best friend. So no, no one is too young.
“She’s just going to suck you dry and spit you out after you come home from deployment” – Fact check most wives have a job that pays MORE than the service members pay. So, if someone really wanted to leave, I think they would have a long time ago. Also stop being so rude, it makes your heart ugly.
“When are you moving home, you are coming back home right” – Who knows when and probably not. Not everyone goes back home especially if they bought a house somewhere.
What not to do:
Do not guilt trip us because we aren’t coming home. Instead you guys can suck it up for once and come visit us if you want. We can’t always come home and you’re just going to have to understand and deal with that.
Do not get mad that we went and got married at a courthouse. Things happen, deployments pop up. Timing never works. You also can’t get mad at two people getting married, it is NOT YOUR relationship, it is theirs.
Do not try and use military discount when you are not a part of a military family. Military discounts are for military families. A lot of places offer these discounts to military members and their dependents (and if any family is with them) due to the fact they know the military gets paid jack crap. Also, technically if you try using an ID saying you are military, and you are not, we are supposed to report you because it is illegal.
I hope you guys have they day you deserve! Feel free to follow me on IG
